I am thankful for the here
and now.
On most weekdays, my house
is relatively quiet as everyone but my husband and I has left for work or
school. The noise of a full house of people and their day will descend on us in
shifts from 2:30 to 6p.m. Some days I
welcome it, but sometimes in what feels like just as many days, I do not. I pine
for the peace and quiet.
I had visions of weekday
pool parties with some of my fellow retirees. I planned to spend one-on-one
time with my younger grandchildren.
I scheduled a much overdue knee replacement for the end of April. That surgery was relatively uneventful, rehab was
challenging, more so than I and my rehab team could have imagined. Something
was ‘off’. But I soldiered on, sort of, hoping to pick up with my summer plans.
Have you heard the saying,
“If you want to make God laugh, just tell him YOUR plans.”?
I don’t recall conferring
with the Almighty, but my plans were dashed by a Brain tumor. It was the pesky culprit that was making me seem ‘off’
and constantly falling, among other unsavory symptoms.
So, one might ask, “how
can you write about gratitude and be thankful with such a scary and potentially
deadly episode, derailing your summer of retirement”?
Let me tell you the upside
to all this crap.
My family calls me the
accidental matriarch. It’s not a role I signed up for or a club I wanted to
join, it just happened and with our revolving door, and always seeming to have ‘room at the
inn’, it is a place where more than a few have landed and stayed till their
world stopped spinning out of control and made their way back into it. It’s
what we do.
Where does my gratitude
come in?
The matriarch had brain
surgery on Friday the 13th and needed constant care and attention
and everybody stepped up into some sort of support role. My husband took the over
and set up everything he thought I would need, from a hospital bed set up in
our living room to a commode with special liners so it could be easily emptied
(he was especially proud of his thoughtful and practical purchase). He took over my daily medications and being the Libra that he is, never missed a timely dose.
I am grateful for him
stepping up and taking over the care I needed. He is a man that was not used to
taking the reins of messy stuff like that, and he did it seamlessly. In all our
years together, he never changed a poopy diaper, but never hesitated to empty
and clean the commode.
All I had to do was sit
back and get better.
I am grateful for the
family members who dropped what they were doing and stepped in to do what
needed to be done: my brother for making things happen and especially my sister,
assuming the unpleasant task of keeping my nethers clean and fresh when I wasn’t
able; my kids for always ‘being there’ and assuring I was comfortable and not
in need of anything; my older grandchildren and their friends displayed their potential for empathy
and caring for another person. It is a very rewarding feeling that our family
is who we are and what we do.
I’m grateful that this
bump in the road sent a timely message to my family that everybody has an
expiration date, and mine came close.
I’m grateful that this
episode has made my family realize that as strong as I appear and often hold
others up emotionally, sometimes we all have cracks in our veneer, ‘even the tough
up the middle’ matriarch.
I’m grateful for people
that have offered prayers, sent get well cards and Mass cards. It’s a
thoughtfulness that fills my heart.
With this holiday season, I am most grateful that I had thanksgiving dinner at my sister-in-law’s
with my 86 year old Mother-in-law, who I am most confident says a second rosary
in her nightly prayers, just for me, she has said so every time I see her.
Our annual family Festivus
is tomorrow. We are a very boisterous bunch with lots of strong personalities that some might find overwhelming, and it
only adds to our reason to celebrate.
I’ll be grateful to be there.
