Independence Day and 30 Days of Yoga

Happy Independence Day! It is the 4^th of July and I have just completed 30 days of Yoga With Adriene, a routine that I stumbled upon while surfing the internet. 

Pigeon pose

Yoga is not new to me, I’ve practiced it since my early teens and was actually quite good at it,  like some of the hip opening poses, like Pigeon pose, one my favorites for a really great stretch in places that are often folded up all day.

This is something I really enjoyed. Although I am a large woman, lack of flexibility was never an issue. And for me, Yoga feels good.

Once an acquaintance said in disdain, “YOGA! That’s not real exercise, no pain, no gain.”

My mantra is slow movement is better than no movement, and if it hurts to do it, don’t do it! And that is exactly what my Orthopedist says, too. I have lousy knees.

The daily yoga routine has fell to the wayside over the last couple years, for a variety of reasons, none of which I can recall with certainty or good conscience.

Even my family stopped asking why I stopped doing yoga. 

Cow Face Pose

It is energizing exercise, I feel refreshed and loosened up when I finish. My 60 year old joints don’t hurt so much and my brain is definitely less foggy, or at least I believe that things are clearer for the day ahead.

Today I finish the commitment to myself to complete these 30 days of Yoga. It wasn’t always flowing and pretty, but I did it and acknowledge the benefits I noticed incrementally over these last couple weeks in regaining flexibility. I’m not ready for the Cow pose, but I am confident I’m on my way. I've done it and will do it again.

Today, I salute myself. I bow to the light in me. Yoga is back to my daily routine.

Enjoy this Independence Day and do what feels good.

Namaste.

Perspective and Snap Decisions

I came home from work the other night and walked in to an emotional shit storm. My daughter, the mother of my eldest granddaughter was ranting, more like storming rage, about something her 18 year old daughter had done. She was on the verge of tears, and slamming her fist on the table repeating, “I CAN NOT BELIEVE SHE DID THIS!”

This rant only produced more emotional upheaval as she tried to stifle her tearful frustration when I asked just what it was that was so offensive. Along with this festering emotion was my husband, who also was fuming, but really waiting for me to have a similar reaction to the issue at hand, whatever it was, so I asked.

“Did she have a car accident?"No.

“Was she pregnant?” Nooo.

“O.K. then what?”

The rant continued. “She told Nancy Nonsense (of course that is not her real name) that she could move in here for a couple weeks because she is fighting with her mom and is getting thrown out! “

With that declaration my daughter slammed her fist against the table again in what was actually more her own temper tantrum than a real anger or disappointment.

A brief background, these girls have been friends off and on  since grade school. The off times were usually because of a stark difference in personal choices. Nancy has a little issue with household authority, and wrestles with a heavy dose of oppositional defiance.  Now they are college students and not much has changed. She’s a real charmer when it suits her, but lately, Nancy lacked that charm in her own home. 

Back to the emotional shit storm. I took a deep sigh and said, “You’re upset because she made that decision without consulting you.”

“You’re damn right I am! Just who does she think she is?”

“She’s just a kid,” interjected my husband, still waiting for me to pile on.

With another deep sigh,  I got on my virtual soapbox and here’s what I said.

“Yes, she is not in a position to make such a decision without consulting the adults in the household. But let’s go back almost 30 years ago when YOU were just a kid and our house was always hosting at least one of yours or your sister’s  friends for a variety of reasons. It wasn’t because we lived in any lap of luxury that they didn’t have in their own home. It was because they were avoiding their own home and as long as they were respectful and kept in touch with their parents I was okay with that. The way I saw it, I knew who you were with and what you were doing (for the most part). When the welcome mat wore thin, I sent them home. Nancy can stay here tonight but then she has to leave. She is not homeless and she has other places where she can stay. She can’t stay here just because she can’t make all the rules to suit herself.”

With that, my daughter and husband chafed that I wasn’t going to carry on in a fit of rage similar to theirs.

“Then YOU tell them,” they said as if that were a challenge, like I don't speak my mind.

After speaking to Nancy’s Mom and hearing her side of the story, we agreed that she would spend only that night at our home and then be on her way, essentially a cooling off for both sides.

The girls were informed that this would be the last night of her stay and then Nancy Nonsense would have to either go home or find someplace else to stay, but it would be wise to first try home.

Nancy wasn’t happy, but did depart the next day, albeit with a bit of a pissy attitude.

And my granddaughter’s offense? She offered to someone a place to stay that needed some time to pull themself together. With time and experience she will understand the consequences of making snap decisions. I hope she never loses that compassion for another human being.

No Phone Zone

Sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out. Sometimes I look around at my family and my father channels through my brain.

Dad was “lace curtain Irish” when it came to appropriate behavior and etiquette, for the most part anyway, but he was known for a few ‘shanty’ moments throughout his life.

As I remember, he was fascinated with emerging technology as long as it didn’t interfere with dinnertime and gathering around the table. In the days of one single telephone and one single television to service an entire household he held his ground that there should be nothing to interfere with dinner. At meals the television was turned off and should the telephone ring during dinnertime, you had two choices – don’t answer it or answer the phone, announce ‘we’re having dinner’ and hang up.  There was no voice mail or answering machine. There would not be any telephone conversation while we were having dinner.

Watching television was a shared family activity and there was only one television. We sat together, in the same room, the parlor. The best seat was usually on the floor, leaning against the sofa, with a dog right next to you, because if a sibling was sitting next you that usually ended up being a nudgey argument with something like, “WILL YOU STOP TOUCHING ME” or “MOVE OVER, YOU’RE TOO CLOSE”, as if an open floor was not enough space. Those were good times.

Recently,  I looked up from my own dinner and saw that four out of six members seated at the dinner table each had an active electronic device sitting just to the left of their dinner plates and one of them is only nine years old. While they shoveled food with their right hand they scrolled screens with their left. I felt Dad coursing through my brain and out came, “Turn off those phones and put that tablet away.”

As if I woke them from a nap, their foggy response was, “Huh?”

“ I said, put your phones away and no tablet at the dinner table.” At first, they all looked at me as if I was kidding. Then, I really had their attention with, “No more electronic devices at the dinner table.”

They patronized me and put them away. Then there was actual conversation for a few minutes.

Later, while cleaning up I noticed two people multi-tasking clean up and dishes and each had a phone either in hand or at their ear.

Dad rose up in me again. I went into the office and printed off this sign.

I posted it strategically at all four corners of the room. 

The first reaction was, “Seriously? You’re really doing this?”

“Seriously. I did it. Do not take those signs down. There will be no electronic devices in this kitchen or else I will stop cooking for you.” 

That gets them every time, gotta hit ‘em where it hurts. The stomach is needier than that phone.

Dinnertime is once again a chance to recap our day and conversation is actually the spoken word and not a text.  There is also sometimes a nudgey conversation between sisters, “Will you move over, you’re too close to me,” or “That’s my seat. MOMMY, she’s sitting in MY seat.”

Thanks, Dad.

Entourage: the Movie, the Fans Will Love It. No Spoilers.

 

Let me start off with a disclaimer; I am not a fan of Entourage. 

The stretch of eight seasons on HBO was more than enough for me to sometimes suffer through while my husband giggled like a schoolgirl at the ‘boys will be boys’ antics and humor of locker room jokes. 

When I hung around to watch the show with him I found I would be rolling my eyes as he giggled and guffawed. The early seasons of Entourage were the better ones - most fans agree on that. 

Like young friendships, there is a time to move on and live an adult life and if you’re lucky some those friendships return and resume where you left off and that is what the next chapter is about in Entourage: the Movie.

The movie doesn’t pick up years later in the Vinnie Chase brat pack, loosely based on Mark Wahlberg and his crew of boyhood friends, but does pick up after a few life changing events that develop each of the characters as they continue to ‘grow up’. Some things don’t change. Johnny Drama is still struggling to gain validation as a true Hollywood actor. Ari Gold is still battling his humongous ego and control issues while trying to be the husband his wife wants. Lloyd Lee is no longer Ari’s assistant and has moved on with his own success. Eric is ever the cordial gentleman but still the accidental stud. Vincent Chase is the pretty boy who always has a beautiful girl hanging on his arm, and finally Salvatore Assante, aka ‘Turtle’, who has become the most financially successful of the boys, noted at the start of the movie, with a windfall partnership with Mark Cuban selling tequila, the spirit of choice through out the show. 

Speaking of which, Avion tequila is a very smooth tequila and makes a frequent appearance through out the movie, mostly on Marl Cuban's tee shirt.

In the movie the humor is still gratuitous. The nudity of the expected collection of beautiful groupies is still there for the ogling. The collection of cameos of notable personalities and Hollywood A-listers are all still there. What else would you expect in a movie about Hollywood and the folks who are trying to ‘make it’?

Let us not forget there is an element of truth in humor. Entourage was supposed to be a tongue in cheek look at what it’s like to live and work in Hollywood and the entertainment industry. I think the cable show entertained better early on than in its later seasons, but the depictions of the characters and the shallowness of what goes on was developed in the movie regardless of the critics. The critics slammed this movie. Maybe they slammed it because the people who made the show continued the message to the movie. People don’t change, but they can evolve. Being human is a process. Hollywood is a mecca of shallow people. Entertainment is a shallow business, but it still makes money. Hollywood also depends on other people’s money to make movies and it’s the Texas money of father and son team Larsen and Travis McCredle, played by Billy Bob Thornton and Haley Joel Osment. Osment played a rich kid brat who reminded me of an unkempt and chubby Brandon Hantz from Survivor: South Pacific. He’s pissy, prickly and entitled.

Haley Joel Osment played the part well, Travis was supposed to be unlikable and Osment nailed it.

My favorite characters were Johnny Drama and Arid Gold.

Drama is the super talented home cook but still painfully pining to be a movie star. Ari knows what he has to do and he ‘fffing gets it done”.

Lloyd Lee makes brief pop-ins throughout the movie tasking his homophobic ex-boss to be a part of his wedding to Greg Louganis(uncredited).

I liked this movie because of the sameness of the characters. Most people I know acknowledge they have ‘work to do’ on themselves, but it’s rarely the first thing they think about when they get up in the morning. That is what is in the magic of coffee.

The Entourage story is about binding friendships and loyalty. If you were a fan of the TV show, you will certainly be a fan of the movie. It is a continuation of the series. What else could it be? There are plenty of women in this flick, all of them beautiful, but the movie isn't about them. It's all about the boys.

Stay for the credits.

An Authors' Event: Along the River and Through the Woods of South Jersey

Yesterday I committed to participate in an author's event at the Landis Amish Marketplace in Vineland. I found that Google maps decided to take me through the picturesque route of Upper Mays Landing and into Cumberland county.

Forget Camden city, South Jersey has some gorgeous and pristine woodlands that outshine the rustic Pine Barrens. 

Yes,it really looked like that!

I made a left instead of a right turn and although that made me late for my event, the longer drive gave me the chance to simply admire the view on the road less taken. I think it's like writing, if you take the straight and short route, you'll get to your destination, but it might not be as enjoyable.

The dense forest along each side of the newly paved two lane roads is not any road I'd venture to travel at night, but during the sunny light of day I found it relaxing to sort of get lost in the woods. 

A fellow compatriot, Marie Gilbert, checked in on my ETA, to which I informed her that I was taking the long way, not deliberately, but no less enjoyable since I was slowed down  passing through a couple communities that were more like cozy hamlets, celebrating the Spring with music festivals and craft fairs.

Once I arrived at the Landis Market in Vineland, my view was chastened by struggles of revitalizing the once thriving and vital city of Vineland.

While on one of those stretches of Jersey backroads I passed through small but seemingly productive farms, with a beautiful McMansion anchored in the rear. There were no McMansions to be found in center city Vineland. The Landis Marketplace does a brisk business with the Amish stands. I personally zeroed in the bacon, reminiscent of the Lake Logan bacon, enjoyed on my retreats in Asheville,  but that is another story.This bacon was reasonably priced as were most of the products, especially the fresh meats. Check it out, you won't be disappointed. 

Oh, the authors' event, I got sort of lost there, thinking about the woods. 

I was promoting the anthology Writing in Circles by Sunburst Writers. This is an anthology of collected stories written by women from across the country that have retreated with Peggy Tabor Millin using her writing process in the comfort and support of writing while gathered in a circle. I am happy to be included in this collection and doubly blessed to be among this group of writerly 'sisters'. 

Here is my "shelfie selfie" at A Novel Idea Chapter 2:

Have we hit a wall or is this just another leg in the journey? A Grammy rant.

I just returned from my grandson’s IEP meeting along with his parents. There is a building frustration on many levels among us as Parents and Grandparents.

He has great teachers and a good program. He goes to a school that addresses special needs and multiple disabilities on many different levels. He still struggles to read, regardless of his program. Some of it is his limited vision, some of it is his developmental aptitude, some of it is basic teenage willfulness and non-compliance. We’ve all been there. His report card displays marks all in the high 90’s along with comments stating he is a ‘pleasure’ to have in class. So where is that ‘building frustration’, one might ask? I think a wall has been hit.

This is uncharted territory for all of us. I don’t know of any family that is handed a manual on how to raise a child with developmental issues, whether they are born with them or acquired. There is no rule book and don’t we all wish we had one.  In any developmental delay, it’s all relatively defined on a sliding scale. Nothing is an absolute.  That sliding scale is what helps identify the extra support and what specialized intervention is needed, but that doesn’t identify the unknown. Nobody gets the advantage of crystal ball for the future of their child. While we might know what the program and planning is for the coming year, we do not know how he will acclimate or IF he will acclimate to new expectations. That is not only frustrating, it must feel frightening to a parent who looks at their young adult child and has to seriously think about how or if their child will be able to function and survive as an independent adult.

My personal frustration is sitting with his parents and sensing the disappointment that comes with the realization that regardless of superior interventions and support, nothing is going to ‘fix’ his disabilities. Likewise, I can’t fix their disappointment or frustration.  Especially frustrating for me, after thirty-five years of IEP meetings and planning, I still chafe at the sometimes patronizing rapport between the professionals and the family. I saw that today for the first time a long time. My role in these meetings is a knowledge base resource and more importantly today, to be the buffer for my daughter and her husband with the Child Study team. I don’t mind, I know my role. Today’s meeting was anticipated to be more emotional than previous IEP meetings, mostly because as his parents they are concerned that their son was not achieving certain milestones. There was also discussion that it might be an option to discuss a different school. It’s not that they see an untapped potential in their son. But what they do see is a lack of practical skills that they expect for him at this stage of his life. That is where the patronizing began. After expressing their feelings the counselor stated to the parents, “You have to understand what his limits are...” Seriously?  I believe every parent wants more from their kid and their school performance, when a parent is actively participating and attending an IEP meeting, just what is it you think they don’t understand?

I have taken a deep breath at many IEP meetings and usually just after such a statement. To their credit, they maintained their cool. That was the ‘teaching moment’ for them, another moment in this journey when they realize more than ever, this will always be an uphill battle for their son and the family. Nobody’s intuition about where the ‘limits’ are will be stronger than that of the family. That is what everybody else will have to understand. It's our journey.